Bimwe mu byiyumviro binezeza abasore harimo gukundwa bagakunda, ariko hari amakosa bivurugutamo mu mubano akabatera gukurwa amata ku munwa.
Ishami ry’Umuryango w’Abibumbye ryita ku Buzima (OMS), mu 2013 ryatangaje ko 35% by’abagore batuye Isi bahuye n’ihohoterwa rikozwe mu buryo butandukanye mu rukundo, rikabasigira intimba ku mutima, ubwoba no kumva basenya umubano.
Nubwo abagore batakwitwa abere mu rukundo ariko burya gukosa birasanzwe, bigatandukanira ku nzira zo kwisubiraho, ni yo mpamvu tugiye kugaruka ku makosa atanu abagabo bakwiye kwirinda mu rukundo.
1. Kubwira umukobwa nabi
Amagambo ategeka nka “ceceka, funga umunwa, ntukantegeke ndi umugabo”, ni amakosa ahurirwaho n’abagabo mu rukundo.
Uwagizwe umugore cyangwa umukunzi ntafatwa nk’umwana, ni yo mpamvu abwirwa neza kuko na we yafata imyanzuro ikomeye.
Ntakabura imvano, reka twemere ko umukobwa yatutswe ku bwo kwirengagiza inshingano. Ariko se washyigikira ko amagambo mabi umubwira wayabwira umubyeyi wawe? Umugore aho ava hose akagera, akwiye kurindwa agahinda n’umubabaro, kuko yitwa mutima w’urugo kandi rwangiritse rurasibangana.
2. Gutesha agaciro ibikorwa bye
Uzumva ibi biganiro mu bagabo: Abagore ntacyo bashoboye, nta myanzuro y’abagore, abagore ni abasazi, abagore ni nk’abana, bareba hafi n’ayandi ntavuze.
Ese wakura he imbaraga zo gukorana ibakwe kandi uhora wibutswa ko ntacyo ushoboye, cyangwa n’igihe wakoze bikitwa bibi?
Ntawivuga amabi ameza ahari. Buri mugabo yirebye yasanga adashoboye byose, iyo ikaba imwe mu mpamvu nyamukuru akenera umugore.
Mu mbaraga abagore bafite, ibyo yakoze ntibigawe, ahubwo bishyigikirwe kugeza bikunyuze nk’umugabo. Ese wamenye ko umugore wafashwe neza agashyigikirwa n’umugabo yakora n’ibyananiye umugabo? Ntihaba ubugabo cyangwa ubugore, haba ubushobozi.
Niba atetse ibiryo bikubihiye, mwereke ibyo wifuza kurya kandi wirinde ijisho ribi. Niba yahubutse agakosa, muganire nk’inshuti umushyire mu murongo muzima niba nawe uwurimo kuko gutoteza umukobwa ni ubugwari, bigutera gutakaza indangagaciro z’abagabo.
3. Guhugira mu bindi muri kumwe
Wicaye ukikijwe n’ibikoresho by’ikoranabuhanga nka mudasobwa, telefoni, televiziyo, radiyo n’ibindi, ushishikajwe n’amakuru yabereye ku Isi hose.
Uri kuva kuri Facebook ujya kuri WhatsApp n’izindi mbuga zose ziguhuza n’inshuti cyangwa zikaguha amakuru runaka, kandi nyamara wicaranye n’umugore wawe cyangwa umukunzi. Aguhobera utamureba, akubajije umusubiza ureba muri telefoni, uhugiye mu mupira n’ibindi.
Kwirengagiza umukobwa cyangwa umugore ni amwe mu makosa aremeye akorwa n’abagabo, akangiza ibyiyumviro by’ababihebeye.
4. Ifuhe rikabije
Ni bangahe badafite abagabo cyangwa abagore bigeze gukundana ariko bagaca umubano? Abo mwatandukanye rimwe na rimwe ni inshuti zo mu buzima busanzwe.
Umusore ufuha bidasanzwe, uzasanga acunga abahamagaye umukunzi we, ibyo bigaherekezwa n’intonganya z’urudaca. Wigeze gutekereza ku mpamvu yigeze kubakunda ariko ntibagumane ugatsindira umutima we? Ni uko yaguhisemo akabona ubaruta, rero igirire icyizere.
Yego bigeze kumukunda na we arabakunda, bigeze igihe kubera ibibazo bagiranye baratandukana. Ese kuki wagarura inkuru zamubabaje umutima? Kuki utigirira icyizere ko watsindira umutima we? Nta mugore cyangwa umugabo ushimishwa no gukekwa guca inyuma, bibagira nk’abasazi cyangwa bakabunza imitima.
Abanyarwanda bavuze ko ushaka inka aryama nka yo. Umugore umukunze ukamwitaho ukamwubahira ko ari umufasha w’ingirakamaro ku buzima bwawe yatekereza abandi? Ikosa ryo gufuha rigaragara ku bagabo, ntirituma umugore adakundwa n’abandi bagabo, ahubwo bimuha akarindi ko kwikundira abamubwira neza.
5. Kwikunda ugakabya
Kwikunda ni umwanzi w’ibyiza. Nta mwanya wo kwikunda mu rukundo rwa bombi kuko bisa no kwihamagarira amakimbirane ku mukobwa wihebeye.
Umugore wagiye guhaha agusabye kumusangayo ukamufasha, ariko umubwiye ko uhuze utajyayo. Reka tuganire: Umenye ko hari undi mugabo wagiye kumufasha ni bwo wakwishima? Sinshishikariza abagore gushaka ubufasha ku bandi bagabo igihe babuze ubw’abagabo babo, ariko se byashimisha umugabo kumva ko inshingano ze zirengagijwe kandi azishoboye?
Yambaye imyenda musohotse umusabye kuyikuramo ngo ntuyishaka. Akazi yakoraga ukamukuyeho kuko ushaka kumujyana mu bindi adashaka. None se ari wowe wakwishima?
Kujya mu rukundo n’umuntu ntibivuga kumuhindurira ibyo akunda, ahubwo ni ukumukunda mu byo akunda.
Nezeza umugore wawe yiyumve nk’udasanzwe kuko n’ubundi ni ba nyina w’abantu, ntibasanzwe. Niba wiyemeje kumukunda bikore utiyererutsa, kandi wirinde ko yagukunda nk’umunyamakosa byahamye. Uwo mukobwa mubanire neza bimutere imbaraga zo kuguhitamo mu bandi.
