Abana b’abakobwa kuva ku myaka 13 na 15 kugeza kuri 23, biragora kubaha uburere kubera imyitwarire bagaragaza, ariko hari amategeko adakwiye kwirengagizwa mu kubarera neza, harebwa ku nyungu z’ahazaza habo.
Nusoma igitabo “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood” cyanditswe na Lisa Damour, uzasobanukirwa imiterere y’abangavu n’imbogamizi bahura na zo, n’impinduka bagira zitewe n’imisemburo yabo, bishimangira amabwiriza icyenda ababyeyi bakwiye kuzirikana barera aba bana.
Tekereza ku ndoro agaragaza
Indoro y’abangavu muri iyi myaka irakaza ababyeyi cyane. Uzamubwira gukora ikintu ahinduke mu maso, azamure amazuru, akambye agahanga, cyangwa ijisho rye rikurebane agasuzuguro.
Niba ubwiye umwana wawe gukora ikintu runaka, aho kugikora akagaragaza isura mbi, menya ko yateye intambwe yo kwitekerereza no gukura. Ibi bishatse kuvuga iki? Wimukubita izo nkoni, wimutuka umubwira ko areba nabi, ahubwo banza utuze ubone kumuganiriza umenye ibiri mu mutwe we, umuhe umurongo muzima.
Wihuza imyambaro ye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina
Hari abo uzumva bagira bati “Izo mpenure wambaye ushaka iki? Gukurura abagabo? Ko wambaye nk’indaya? Ushaka kwishora mu busambanyi?”
Ibyo ni ibibazo ababyeyi bakunze guhata abana babo kubera imyambarire bagaragaje. Yambaye ijipo igaragaza amatako cyangwa ishati igaragaza ibere, ibyo bigatuma umubwira ko yabaye ikirara.
Abo bana ntibarasobanukirwa ibikorwa by’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ahubwo ubongereye amatsiko yo guhiga amakuru menshi kuri byo, bakaba banayikora imburagihe. Bereke uko bakwambara neza ariko bigezweho ntibiyumve ko batari mu iterambere.
Niyigishwe ubuzima bw’imyororokere
Ababyeyi benshi bagira ubwoba bwo kuganiriza abana babo b’abangavu ku buzima bw’imibonano mpuzabitsina bibeshya ko bitabareba.
Mu gitabo “Girls & Sex”, umwanditsi wacyo Peggy Orenstein avuga ko abangavu bashyirwa ku gitutu cyo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina mu buryo bubangiza, aho birirwa nko ku mashuri no mu mikino ibahuza n’urungano.
Ganiriza umukobwa wawe umubwire imyitwarire yamuranga igihe ahuye n’umusore umukorakora, umusoma, umukora ku myanya y’ibanga cyangwa amusaba ko baryamana.
Aba bana bakikijwe n’abagabo bakuze n’abato batitaye ku hazaza habo, ku buryo kubangiriza ubuzima ntibibareba. Niba utaganiriza umwana wawe kugira ngo ahabwe amasomo azamukingira, azararurwa bidatinze.
Ihanganire kamere yabo yo kwikunda
Muri iyi myaa, abangavu bumva bayobora, bafata imyanzuro ku buzima bwabo, bumva ari bo bakeneye ubutabazi byihutirwa n’ibindi.
Intekerezo zabo zibanda ku byo bashaka n’ibyo bakunda, ariko si ikibazo cyabo ni ko biyumva, bagendeshe gake ubumve. Baba bari mu marere y’ibyo bazabona ahazaza, bakirengagiza ko hagira ibyaho.
Ntutangazwe n’uko batabona ibihe bikomeye urimo nk’umubyeyi, bagakomeza kubabazwa n’ibyo bakeneye, ni ko ubwenge bwabo bungana.
Iki ni gihe cyiza cyo kumufasha kwikunda kurutaho ariko agasobanukirwa ibyihutirwa by’ingenzi. Nubwo abangavu bagira umwete muke wo kwita ku bandi ariko biterwa n’imyaka, igihe kiragera bagasobanukirwa ubuzima n’uko babutwara.
Wisebya inshuti ze
Bagira urukundo rwinshi ni yo mpamvu iyi myaka byoroshye kwigarurira amarangamutima yabo nk’umubyeyi, ariko kandi kubura urukundo rwawe byabaremamo urwango rwa burundu.
Igihe bungutse inshuti zo mu bwana, ntukwiye kuzivuga nabi cyangwa uzisebya kuko bibababaza cyane. Nubona yagize inshuti mbi nko mu myitwarire, mwigishe guhitamo inshuti nziza ariko udasebya cyangwa utuka uwo yihitiyemo.
Muhane mu myitwarire mibi
Bavuga ko umwana apfa mu iterura. Aba bana b’abangavu bagaragaza imyitwarire mibi nk’igihe barakaye bakaba bagaragaza ibikorwa by’agasuzuguro batuka ababyeyi babo, bivumbura ku kurya, banga gukora inshingano wabahaye nk’umubyeyi.
Iyi ni imico udakwiye kwirengagiza ku mwana wawe. Muhe igihano gituma yihana gukora nabi, ariko ntumubabaze umubiri cyangwa kumukorera ibikorwa byangiza ibyiyumviro bye.
Mubere inshuti cyane cyane umubyeyi
Biraryoha kubona ubushuti bw’abana n’ababyeyi ariko ntibisa neza gutwarwa n’ubwo bushuti ukibagirwa inshingano nk’umubyeyi no gutanga uburere.
Mu bushuti bwawe n’umukobwa we, umurinde kurengera no kwirengagiza amahame y’umuryango n’ubuzima.
Mufashe kwigira ku makosa ye
Gukosa biri mu bigize ubuzima bwa muntu, ariko amakosa yakozwe ahinduka amasomo akomeza umuntu mu rugendo.
Mufashe gukoresha inyurabwenge
Hari ababyeyi bahimba inkuru zifite amasomo runaka kugira ngo bafashe abana babo gukoresha inyurabwenge no gusesengura baganisha ku bikwiye.
Umwana wawe w’umukobwa akwiriye isomo ryo kwiga gusesengura ibyo anyuramo byose ndetse akagira ububasha bwo guhitamo neza.
Gutanga uburere ni urugendo. Abana b’abangavu igihe barezwe neza mu rukundo bakurana imbaraga zo kwiyubakira ejo habo heza, ariko gutereranwa ntibitabweho cyangwa bagakandamizwa, bibaganisha ku kwangirika k’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe.
