Marriage is often seen as the ultimate goal, a symbol of stability and love, especially in the eyes of many young Rwandans. From the lavish wedding celebrations to the romantic honeymoon photos posted on social media, it’s easy to assume that marriage will be a continuous fairy tale. But for many, the reality of marriage is far different from what they imagined.
In today’s world, especially among the youth aged 18 to 25, social media plays a significant role in shaping expectations about marriage. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have flooded the internet with images of picture-perfect weddings, a seamless journey filled with romance, happiness, and luxury.
A quick scroll through Instagram reveals couples celebrating love in grand ceremonies, from glamorous weddings in Kigali’s top venues to jaw-dropping honeymoon destinations. But what’s often hidden behind the captions like “Forever” or “Couple goals” is the reality of what happens after the wedding day.
“It’s easy to get lost in the Instagram version of marriage,” says 24-year-old Sarah, who recently got married. “The wedding was magical, but after the dress came off and the celebrations ended, we were left to deal with real life finances, household duties, and communication issues we never thought about.”
“He will change” — The dangerous assumption
A common expectation many young couples have when entering marriage is that their partner will change in ways that suit them. Whether it’s assuming that “he will become more responsible” or “she will be more understanding,” these assumptions often lead to disappointment.
Marriage does not have the power to change a person’s core values or habits. If there were communication issues before the wedding, those issues won’t disappear after the vows are exchanged.
“I thought that once we were married, my husband would start taking more responsibility for the bills,” admits 22-year-old Josephine. “But we’ve had to sit down and have honest conversations about money and expectations. I realized he didn’t have the same understanding of finances as I did.”
The financial strain no one talks about
For many young couples, financial expectations often take them by surprise. From paying rent or building a home to managing daily expenses and saving for the future, money quickly becomes a significant concern.
Yet, many young people enter marriage without clear discussions about finances, assuming that the love they share will cover everything. Unfortunately, this can lead to tension, misunderstandings, and even arguments.
“We thought love would make everything work,” says Patrick, 25, who is newly married. “But managing finances together has been a challenge. We never talked about how we’d share the expenses or how we’d handle emergencies.”
The pressure of “marriage will make me happy”
Another dangerous myth is that marriage will cure loneliness or emotional insecurities. Some believe that having a spouse will make them feel complete and fulfilled. However, marriage should not be seen as a solution to personal struggles.
Experts warn that this mindset can create unrealistic expectations, leading to disappointment. Marriage is about two people coming together to share a life, but both individuals need to be whole before they can truly contribute to a healthy relationship.
What does a real partnership look like?
Marriage is not a fantasy, it is hard work. A successful marriage requires communication, compromise, and emotional maturity. It means working together to solve problems, making decisions together, and supporting each other’s dreams.
It’s about understanding that disagreements will happen, and learning how to resolve them respectfully. It’s about building a life together not just living for Instagram pictures.
“Marriage is not about perfection,” says 28-year-old Gilbert. “It’s about growth. Learning together, supporting each other, and handling life’s challenges side by side. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re in it together.”
For young Rwandans considering marriage, it’s essential to have honest conversations about what to expect. Rather than idealizing marriage as an event, it’s time to understand it as a lifelong journey.
As young people continue to look towards marriage as a milestone in their lives, the importance of emotional readiness, open communication, and practical expectations cannot be overstated. Marriage, after all, is not about grand gestures or fairy tale moments. It’s about two people growing together, facing life’s challenges hand in hand.
In the fast-paced world of social media and expectations, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that marriage is the key to everlasting happiness. However, as many young couples are discovering, marriage requires more than just love; it requires commitment, maturity, and a willingness to work together every single day.
For those between the ages of 18 and 25, the lesson is clear: Marriage is not a one-time event; it’s a partnership that takes time to nurture, grow, and sustain.
Marriage does not have the power to change a person’s core values or habits
