Love is the feelings shared between two people who come together to build a relationship. However, not everyone is fortunate in love, as some develop bad habits that damage their relationships, leading to conflicts that can even destroy the relationship entirely.
Rwandans have a saying that translates to “No cows live together without clashing horns.” This indicates that disagreements and conflicts in love are possible, but they can be resolved, allowing the relationship to continue, although some choose to end it. In a discussion with young men and women studying at the Kigali Independent University (ULK), they shared some actions their partners take that make them feel bad or cause their love to sour.
Arsene Benimana says that distrust and lies in love lead to the breakdown of the relationship between lovers. He states, “Distrust. When they lie to you, and you find out they lied, you start not trusting them.”
Mary Tuyishimire says that there can be many factors that cause people to separate or confront each other in love.
She states, “In Kinyarwanda, they say no cows live together without clashing horns. The first thing that would hurt me is lying to me. When someone lies to you, you don’t trust them. The second thing is not trusting me.
“When they don’t trust you, they are always suspicious, and whenever you take a step, they think you’re going to cheat on them, leading to misunderstandings. Another thing that would hurt me is cheating on me because I don’t understand why they would cheat when I’m there.”
Peace Munyaneza says that what could make her uncomfortable in love, possibly even causing her to leave, is being denied time.
She states, “Denying time to the one you love, or thinking that they can only see you when they want, but when you need them, they’re unavailable. Another thing is low trust because lack of trust in love weakens it, making you trust others more than your partner.”
Neema Uwase says that her beliefs are non-negotiable in love.
She states, “No matter how much I love them, if they undermine my beliefs, we put love aside and discuss it first. Other things that hurt me in love include not appreciating my family due to Rwanda’s historical background and being bothered by my physical appearance. I believe that someone who loves you should love you as you are.”
