I didn’t walk into therapy with high expectations. In fact, I was pretty skeptical about the whole idea. I mean, paying someone to listen to me talk about my problems? Couldn’t I just vent to a friend over coffee for free? But I had my reasons. Life had been throwing curveballs faster than I could dodge them—stress from work, unresolved family issues, and this nagging sense of not quite being okay even when everything seemed “fine.”
Eventually, I decided to give therapy a shot. Worst case, I’d spend a few sessions confirming my doubts. Best case, I’d walk away with some tools to deal with the chaos. What I didn’t expect was how much I’d learn—about myself, about others, and about the way our messy human brains work.
This year, therapy was like peeling an onion—layer by layer, tear by tear, until I uncovered parts of myself I didn’t even know existed. When I first sat in my therapist’s office, I thought, “How hard can it be? Talk about feelings, get a few ‘aha’ moments, and boom—enlightened.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t that simple.
Let me take you through the lessons I learned.
- You can’t outsmart your emotions
I went into therapy armed with logic. I’d say things like, “I know I shouldn’t feel this way because XYZ.” My therapist would nod patiently, then ask, “But do you feel that way anyway?” Oh, the audacity of feelings to ignore my carefully constructed rationalizations!
What I learned is that emotions don’t care about logic. They’re there to be felt, not solved. Once I stopped trying to argue with my sadness or anxiety like a lawyer in court, I started to actually process them—and that’s where healing begins.
- Boundaries are not walls
For years, I confused boundaries with being mean or selfish. Saying “no” felt like I was letting people down, so I said “yes” to things I didn’t want to do and ended up resentful. Therapy reframed boundaries for me. They’re not walls to shut people out; they’re fences with gates. Healthy boundaries let the good in and keep the harmful out.
Now, I practice saying “no” without guilt and “yes” without resentment. It’s still a work in progress—sometimes the guilt sneaks in, but hey, fences need maintenance too.
- Self-compassion beats self-criticism
Raise your hand if your inner critic is louder than BK Arena on a concert day. That was me. I’d make a mistake and instantly go into a spiral of “Why are you like this?” My therapist suggested I talk to myself like I’d talk to a friend. Would I tell my friend she’s a failure because she forgot to reply to an email? Of course not. So why was I saying it to myself?
Learning self-compassion didn’t mean I gave myself a free pass to slack off. It meant I gave myself permission to be human—flaws, mistakes, and all.
- Healing isn’t linear
I used to think therapy would be a straight climb—each week better than the last. In reality, it’s more like hiking a mountain with no map. Some weeks, I felt like a rockstar. Other weeks, I was crying over things I thought I’d moved past. My therapist called this “picking at old scabs,” and while it wasn’t pleasant, it was necessary. Healing isn’t about never falling; it’s about getting up again and again.
- People pleasing is a trauma response
If you’re someone who says “It’s fine” when it’s absolutely not fine, welcome to the club. Therapy helped me realize that my need to please everyone came from a deeper fear of conflict and rejection. But here’s the twist: the people who truly matter will respect you more when you’re honest. Saying what I actually think, instead of what I think others want to hear, has been terrifying but freeing.
- It’s okay to ask for help
I used to think asking for help was a weakness. Therapy showed me that it’s actually one of the bravest things you can do. Whether it’s leaning on a friend, hiring a therapist, or simply admitting you’re struggling, asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure.
