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Relationship Unrealistic Expectations from Novels and Books

Someone said that ‘if you want to laugh, ask a girl to describe a person he wants to marry. Sit quietly and listen as she describes an imaginary character.’

Every person has someone in mind he/she desires to marry one day. You have his/her image in your mind which you keep upgrading as you grow and add some features or remove them accordingly.

I remember one day when we were playing the ‘Tell me about him/her’ game, and one of our friends made us laugh out loud. In this game, everyone describes the kind of person he/she desires to marry.

She said, ‘I want a handsome guy like Joong Ki, who is taller than Lee Minho. He has to be romantic and kind like Rune, and a young billionaire like Neo Stamos.’

Wait! Maybe you’ve never read about these people, but Neo Stamos is the leading character in the book ‘shy bride,’ Rune is from the book ‘A Thousand Boy Kisses,’ and Joong Ki is a K-drama celebrity.

Of course, we both laughed but the girl was serious. She wanted a resemblance to the fictional characters she read in romantic novels.

Some people find it easier to talk about their jobs, their past, and their hopes for the future than talk about their dating life. This is because they are more into fictional characters than real people.

Their relationship expectations are based on the movies they watch and the books they read. They have higher unrealistic standards which they developed for so long based on what they spent most of their time watching/reading.

Their minds are far away from the real world because of the fantasy they created. You will find a girl saying if my husband is not as gentle and romantic as Lee Minho, I will not marry him.

This girl will sit and say, ‘I want to marry a young billionaire who brings flowers whenever we meet. He will open the car door for me and punch whoever tries to annoy me.’ Well, this might happen if you find someone with anger issues, but getting a “young billionaire” is rare.

These romance novels and romantic movies portray ideal relationships with perfect partners and extravagant gestures. You tend to develop unrealistic expectations about dating, romance, and love in general which can lead to being dissatisfied in real-life relationships.

In addition, the books we read sometimes become our escape room from our everyday life. You become entertained and enjoy everything about them, however, the more you rely on them, the comparison of real life with your fictional characters increases. And being single for so long becomes your best decision.

Moreover, these movies we watch create a sense of emotion with the characters. We feel the characters, we love them, and we crush them and grow fond of them. We find ourselves desiring similar intensity and passion in our real-life relationships.

For example, you will see a scene where a guy ties his girlfriend’s shoelaces and expects your lover to do the same. If he tells you to tie them, you will feel disappointed and question his romance. In your mind, you will say, ‘Why can’t he be romantic like Romeo?’

However, we tend to forget that the book/movie has everything exaggerated for dramatic effect.

Another thing is that these books we read have a way of detailing physical intimacy with clear descriptions. This can act as an opportunity to explore different aspects of intimacy, but on the other hand, it can create unrealistic expectations.

Keeping in mind that real-life intimacy is unique to each couple will help you. It should be based on consent and comfort.

It is good to read books but be cautious with what you read. Living in your imaginary world will forever bring disappointment and the more you expect people to be like your favorite characters, the more you lose everyone and end up alone. Put your books on hold and explore real-life love.

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