Leadership often comes with a series of paradoxes. You must be firm but understanding, confident but open to learning, decisive yet collaborative. But there’s one paradox that often goes unspoken: kindness can be both your greatest strength and your most dangerous weakness.
In our society, where the culture of “ubuntu” emphasizes humanity and mutual respect, leaders can feel an added pressure to be kind. Yet, many young Rwandan entrepreneurs have learned that there’s a fine line between kindness and compromise.
Take Sandrine Umutoniwabo, a 28-year-old Kigali-based tech entrepreneur who started a software company with just two employees. “I wanted to create a supportive environment,” she said. “But my kindness was taken for granted. Employees began showing up late, missing deadlines, and expecting me to tolerate it because I didn’t want to come off as harsh. It nearly killed my business.”
Umutoniwabo’s experience isn’t unique. Many leaders in Rwanda and beyond face a similar conundrum. Being kind, in its purest sense, involves being empathetic, approachable, and understanding. However, when that kindness becomes synonymous with leniency, it can undermine your authority, breed inefficiency, and erode the respect your team has for you.
The “trap” explained
Kindness becomes a trap when; it prevents difficult conversations. As a leader, you’ll need to have hard conversations about performance, accountability, and growth. Avoiding these discussions to maintain a “kind” persona only delays the inevitable and worsens problems.
If you’re always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, some will inevitably take advantage of your good nature. Being overly accommodating can dilute your decisions. A leader with unclear boundaries often struggles to maintain focus on their goals.
John Munyaneza, a 31-year-old founder of a successful agribusiness in Bugesera, puts it bluntly: “Being too kind almost cost me everything. I had an employee who was consistently underperforming, but I kept thinking, ‘Maybe he’s going through a tough time.’ After months, I had to fire him. I learned that tough decisions don’t make you unkind; they make you a responsible leader.”
So, how can you lead with kindness without falling into the trap? Kindness should never be an excuse for poor performance. Communicate your expectations clearly and hold everyone accountable. As Sandrine learned, “Being kind doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you. I’ve learned to say no and stick to my boundaries.”
Be fair, not just kind. Fairness builds trust and respect more effectively than kindness alone. People appreciate leaders who treat everyone equitably and make decisions based on merit rather than emotion.
Empathy allows you to understand your team’s struggles, but it shouldn’t cloud your judgment. When dealing with underperformance or conflict, address the issue professionally without letting emotions take over.
“I’ve learned that being a leader is about creating opportunities for others to grow,” says Eric, a 25-year-old who runs a digital marketing agency in Musanze. “Sometimes that growth requires tough love. If you’re too kind to push people, you’re not helping them—or your business.”
Ultimately, being a leader is about walking a tightrope between kindness and strength. In Rwanda’s evolving business landscape, leaders who master this balance will not only succeed but inspire others to do the same.
So, yes, be kind. But don’t let kindness become your Achilles’ heel. Leadership is about more than being liked; it’s about earning respect while staying true to your vision.
