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Marriage or a career? This is one of the oldest questions that leave people in dilemma. It always feels like a trick when this question is addressed especially to women.
Once a woman marries a rich man who is willing to cater for her needs so she can stay at home, she automatically gets an unfortunate nickname. If the woman works and has less time for her home, husband and children, she is looked down on.
Currently, the best part about having this discussion is that a man is involved when they ask who is going to work or stay at home with children.
Having a choice to stay at home, take care of the house and raise the children is something that some men actually welcomed better than some of us expected that they would.
We all have different stands when it comes to this discussion. Some young people believe that it is important to have a career but older people especially women believe that a woman can do it all.
One of the women we talked to believe that a woman can do all of them referring to her as a computer.
“Why would I give up on one, when I can do them all? A woman is basically a computer, her mind never quits working. It just updates and her body adjusts to the changes,” she explains.
She goes on to say that she had to do it all as a wife and a mother. She was raising her first two daughters who were toddlers and her son who was a newly born while attending school and doing an internship.
To some of the younger generation, this pretty much sounds impossible. Since some are already struggling from only having a job and going to school.
Bella Iriza is a working-student who wakes up early to go work so she can pay her tuition fees.
“I am already struggling, having to juggle a good school-work life balance. Right now, I cannot even dream of adding a marriage to this mix. Sometimes I even forget my personal life, leave alone adding another person to this,” she discloses.
Iriza explains that both career and marriage have their own rewards but continues to say that a successful career reduces stresses whereas a happy marriage introduces more responsibilities without a person even knowing it.
Due to the fact that there are so many unfortunate names that a woman gets nowadays for choosing to stay at home while her husband works, most girls are prone to choosing both a career and marriage.
Lorraine Mutesi, is a young professional who says that what was acceptable back in the day is not what is applauded now.
Mutesi says that she grew up with her mother happily staying at home even though she was educated. Her father provided financially for the whole household and everyone was fulfilled in their role.
“My mother with her degree stayed at home taking care of us and my father would go to work to pay the bills but I am not willing to risk that.”
She explains that her fear is rooted in the fact that society will either call her names or beyond that she will feel unfilled.
Since we say that there is gender equality then it is no longer only a woman’s duty to choose between a career and a marriage, men are also allowed and willing to choose between having one or having all.
Frank Meije, a young working student says that he intends to focus on his career in his 20s to 30s, and think about marriage later.
“I plan to focus on my career in my 20s. I will willingly choose a happy marriage after. Having a happy home, makes you even better as a person and an employee,” he explains.
Meije continues to explain that a happy marriage means that a person is complete.
The young man explains that he would happily and willingly stay at home and raise children, if her future wife’s salary is higher than his income.
“This modernized world does not work with the old thinking. If my future wife earns more money than me and for some reason we have to choose who gets to stay home and who gets to work. I would be willing to stay at home, it would make me no less and no more of a man,” he affirms.
Meije is not the only one with such mindsets. Gerald Ganza, a newly wedded man says that both him and his wife are working right now and that had been agreed on before.
But if circumstances require one of them to quit, Ganza says he would do so given that his wife earns more than he does.
“We agreed beforehand that we would both work but once she gives birth and we still do not have someone to look after our children, I will have to stay home,” he says.
It is a good thing that men are willing to choose a good home and happy marriage over a successful career but others find it possible to do it all as long as a person knows how to keep a healthy balance between the two and have an understanding partner.
Having a career does not only mean to earn money, it also means building a personal and social identity, learning how to deal with problems, creating bonds. It gives structure and routine to a person’s daily life and contributes to a person’s sense of fulfillment and purpose.
This is not entirely true for everyone as some people are happier and fulfilled with their married life, which they consider a good choice.
Some people are doing it all but are they balancing well both? Are they happy?
Joy Karimba, a wife and mother who is also working explains how she does it and the reason why.
“When I had my second born, I was in senior 5. By the time she was 4, I was in my second year of University. I had to take her, her sister and myself to school,” she says.
Karimba explains that she initially considered dropping out until her daughters were older but she didn’t.
She continues to say that she finally found joy in a little routine of getting ready with her daughters.
“One day, my eldest daughter passed by my class only to find me in class kneeling down as a punishment because I had gotten to class later and she just cried,” explains Karimba.
She discloses that she had come late due to a routine of cooking lunch in the morning to be heated it up after returning home.
Karimba continues to say that her husband worked abroad but whenever he would be around, he would help her with the children or cook which made life easy because she felt supported.
According to Karimba, juggling three things at the same time namely; a lot of strength, will and support from your partner.
Karimba says that her children are grown, she has her career. She faces struggles like any other person but she is now even better at handling them.
He has no plans to change her status because she feels happy and fulfilled.
