Raising girls between the ages of 13 and 23 can be especially challenging due to the behavioral changes they undergo during adolescence. However, there are fundamental parenting principles that should never be overlooked—principles that prioritize their future well-being.
In the book Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour, readers gain insight into the psychological and emotional changes teenage girls experience, largely influenced by hormonal shifts. The book underscores nine essential rules every parent should keep in mind when raising adolescent girls.
- Don’t overreact to their facial expressions
Teen girls often express themselves through dramatic facial cues—eye rolls, frowns, or sarcastic smirks—that can easily frustrate parents. If your daughter reacts negatively when asked to do something, understand that she’s developing critical thinking and independence.
Instead of yelling or punishing her for “looking disrespectful,” take a breath and engage her in a calm conversation. Understand what she’s thinking and guide her with patience and empathy.
- Avoid linking clothing choices to sexual behavior
Statements like, “Why are you wearing that? Are you trying to attract men?” or “You look like a prostitute,” are not helpful. These types of comments often stem from fear, but they can cause more harm than good.
Most teens don’t fully grasp the implications of sexual behavior. Harsh judgments may only fuel their curiosity and drive them to seek information from unreliable sources. Instead, show them how to dress in a way that’s both stylish and respectful, so they don’t feel excluded from modern trends while still embracing dignity.
- Teach reproductive and sexual health early
Many parents shy away from discussing sexual health, mistakenly thinking it’s inappropriate or unnecessary. But in Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein, the author highlights the intense pressure teenage girls face regarding sex—from school environments to social circles.
Talk to your daughter openly. Explain what appropriate boundaries look like if someone touches her inappropriately, tries to kiss her, or pressures her into sex. If you don’t have these conversations, someone else—or something online—will do it for you, often in a harmful way.
- Understand and tolerate their self-centered phase
At this stage, teenage girls tend to think the world revolves around them. They make impulsive decisions, crave immediate attention, and may seem unaware of your struggles as a parent.
This self-focus isn’t selfishness—it’s part of their development. Use this time to help them develop a stronger sense of self while gradually teaching them the importance of empathy, priorities, and long-term thinking. Maturity will follow with time.
- Be careful when speaking about their friends
Teen girls are emotionally attached to their friendships. If you openly criticize or insult their friends, especially those they’ve chosen themselves, it can deeply wound them and strain your relationship.
If you notice your daughter is bonding with a friend who has concerning behavior, guide her gently. Help her understand how to choose good friends without belittling her current choices.
- Discipline without harm
Teenage rebellion can include disrespect, refusing to eat, neglecting chores, or speaking back rudely. Don’t ignore these behaviors, but also avoid physical punishment or verbal abuse. Instead, offer constructive consequences that encourage accountability and personal growth without damaging their self-esteem.
- Be a parent first, then a friend
Having a close bond with your daughter is beautiful, but friendship should never come at the cost of authority. Don’t let closeness blur your role as a guiding figure. Support her, listen to her, and be present—but always maintain the structure, boundaries, and values that come with being a parent.
- Help her learn from mistakes
Mistakes are part of growing up. When your daughter messes up, use the opportunity to teach—not shame. Help her reflect, learn, and make better decisions next time. Show her how failures can become lessons that build resilience and wisdom.
- Develop her critical thinking
Some parents use stories or real-life examples to teach life lessons. This method helps children think independently and draw meaningful conclusions. Encourage your daughter to reflect deeply on her experiences and to make informed decisions. Critical thinking is a powerful tool that will guide her throughout her life.
